


Sleeping Monsters

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fifth Year, Fluff, M/M, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: It’s fifth year and Simon and Baz get into a fight. (After the prompt: 'You're so fucking hot when you're mad'.)





	Sleeping Monsters

Anger. What Simon felt boiling up in his chest was painful, rough anger, the raw kind that tears you up on the inside. It was mixed with a bitter sort of hatred that made him squint his eyes and clench his fist, pressing his nails into his palm as though he could crush his problems somehow that way. It made his breath go slow and his face go red.

And it was all Baz' fault. Of course. (Everything was. And saying that was easy; it's nice to have someone to blame. It's nice to release your bottled up anger onto a target.)

Baz sneered at him. He never lost his temper. Even in fights he always seemed in control of himself, always kept that cold look on himself. (And he would smile after you beat him. One time Simon had got him and punched him square over the nose, but Baz still dragged his lips up. Even then, he'd do everything to maintain a position of superiority. And succeeded in doing so. The damn tosser.)

'You're pathetic,' Baz spat.

The worst part was that Simon could feel, he could _feel_ how his magic was almost overflowing, how it prickled underneath his skin. Simon knew that they were going to have to fight each other to death one day, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that they would end this way, that it was Baz' aim to just take them both down at once. Because he seemed to want nothing more than to make Simon go off and why if not to kill them both?  
They were outside, on the back of the Mummer's house, out of everybody else's view and out of the safety of their room.

Simon lurched forward and pressed his arm against Baz' neck. Baz didn't move, just grinned at him. He knew exactly how to provoke Simon best. (He knew him better than anyone else.)  
'Snow, everybody knows you're practically obsessed with me. Why do you follow me around everywhere? Almost seems like you have a crush on me.'

If even possible, Simon's face became redder and his heartbeat sped up further. He just wanted to wipe that smirk of Baz' face.

The anger lived like an animal inside of Simon. It was always there, turning and tossing in its sleep. Baz always woke it up and if the animal was hungry for anything, it was hungry for Baz. In that moment, it roared and Simon raised his fist. The second Simon's hand met Baz' face, everything went up in flames. Not literally. Flames of magic that swept over everything.

There it was. It had happened again. Baz had made Simon go off. Reminding him that all he did was destroy and mess up instead of saving things, like he was supposed to. Reminding him that he had absolutely nothing under control. ( _This is why you'll never beat the humdrum_ , Baz had told him.  _He won't even have to kill you. You'll do it all by yourself._ )

They felt themselves being swept off their feet, landing on the singed grass. Simon's head hurt and his whole body was in pain. Slowly, he sat up and looked around. Fortunately there were no holes anywhere, but the air smelled burned.

It was like the fire in Simon had blown out again. The animal was at rest again. Instead, desperation had taken grip of him, clang to his limbs, as though it was trying to drag him down into the deep. He looked over at Baz, who had to (just  _had to,_ because it was there damned destiny) be his enemy.

They were both covered in grime. (Baz looked still perfect, of course. It seemed like the black was a part of him. And it was – he was a Pitch after all.)

Simon felt like the sadness would strangle him any moment.

'Why?' he screamed and Baz jumped startled. He seemed to notice how beaten Simon felt because he kept quiet and just stared at him. 'Why do you keep doing this?!'

Simon poured all his feelings in his voice, even though he didn't want to.

'Why do you keep making me go off?!'

Simon grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it at Baz. Baz ducked away half heartedly. Simon dragged himself up and crawled over to Baz to start shaking him.

'Why? Why?! Do you hate me so much, Baz? What are you getting out of it? Why, Baz?!'

Then, something glinted in Baz' eyes and he grabbed Simon's wrists.

'Because you look hot when you're mad!' he screamed back. Then he looked shocked. Simon froze up.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence between them. Simon couldn't process it, couldn't comprehend it. He just stared at Baz with wide eyes. A joke? Joke? Now? No.

There was fear in Baz' gaze and that was something Simon had never seen before. When Baz Pitch was afraid, you didn't know about it.

Then, Baz caught himself again. And he made a decision. (It was time to come clean – it was too late now anyway.)

'Because you drive me insane with your ugly face and your stupid curls and your moles because you're not ugly, you're beautiful and because you're stupidly brave. Because sometimes it hurts to even look at you and know that you'll never feel that way about me. Because I know that even the thought of me liking you that way makes you want to punch me. It's a defence mechanism, you hear me, you idiot? Because you would burn me in an instant if I didn't pick a fight with you. So, i'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry I can't deal with this, I'm sorry I feel this way, I'm sorry I want to stay the fuck alive. Give me a break.'

He quickly got up and walked away so fast, Simon couldn't even move. He was stunned. And then he started thinking.  
  
Baz didn't come out of the bathroom for hours. (Which was not only bad because Simon wanted to talk to him, but also because he needed to wash himself.)

Then finally, Baz stepped out of the bathroom, head lowered. He didn't meet Simon's gaze. That was so unlike Baz, it made Simon's heart hurt.

'Hey,' Baz whispered and he sounded like a wounded deer. 'Sorry, I was... angry.'

'We both were.'

'I shouldn't have said these things.'

'Did you mean them?'

Baz' voice went really quiet.

'Yes.'

Simon couldn't stand to see him vulnerable like that.

'Look, I know that this was against the rules. I know we have to hate each other, I was only making it easy on you by pretending to hate you, too. You can punch me, if you want. I won't fight you. Just – just get it over with.'

Baz squeezed his eyes shut and Simon wanted to say, 'Anathema', but he didn't.

'This isn't you, Baz,' he whispered instead.

'Yes, it is. I'm sorry. I'm telling the truth, I lied all along. I know... this is hard to believe, but... this is me.'  
'No, I didn't mean... I just meant... You don't behave like this.'  
'What?'  
'You're Baz Pitch, for fuck's sake, what are you doing?'  
'I - '

Simon rushed forward and Baz flinched back. Then, Simon almost knocked him over and kissed him wildly. Baz stayed frozen for a moment. After that, he pushed back with the same force. (It was like fighting, except they were both winners.)

And that day, the angry monster in Simon's chest didn't die. But another one awoke. One that was just as passionate, just as powerful, just as hungry.  
It was hungry for Baz.

If Simon had been a little braver, he would've given it a name. 'Love', he would've called it. But Simon was afraid of all the animals inside of him. Afraid they were going to destroy him one day.  
But he still liked this one better than the old one, and that moment there, he felt alive.

 


End file.
